Boredom

I’m bored. I know everyone goes through a period of their lives where they experience boredom. Frustrating, mundane, dull, boredom. It’s maddening! I feel so stifled by doing the same thing every day. Get up, go to work, come home, do whatever needs done around the house, go to bed. Oh, some days are spicier than others. I go to Mass on Sunday, I take my dad to appointments and my mom shopping. My husband and I go on little adventures on days we are both off, which is rare. Please don’t misunderstand, I love my family and my husband and I love doing things with them. I think I’m just bored with myself. I’m a dull person and it’s my fault.

I’m mostly bored with my job. I’m not going to say what I do just yet. I’m just going to say that I’m in the field for all the wrong reasons. Writing is not my full time job. It’s one of my passions that I hope to someday soon turn into an income. For now, it’s something I enjoy and get a lot of joy out of. My regular job is very physically and emotionally taxing. I’ve been doing this for twenty years. Twenty long years. I just don’t think this is what I was really meant to do with my whole life. I have exceptional coworkers who are much better at this job than I am, seemingly. I have other passions and this just isn’t it

I got started in this field because when I was a housekeeper twenty-one years ago, I got tired of scrubbing toilets for minimum wage. I thought I could do better. I trained for a different job and got it. I was young and had no idea how hard it would be. I worked this job for eight years. I thought getting trained for a promotion would be easier. It was, at first. I had even dreamed of this promotion. I thought it would solve all of my problems. I had more money, better benefits, more freedom at work, and more responsibility. The responsibility is what I think is the cause of my strife.

I’m the one everyone goes to at work when something is going wrong. Something is always going wrong. Sometimes I hate hearing the sound of my own name. I took on way too much of a responsible job at a young age. I’ve never really let loose to live life. I don’t regret my life, I just wish I could enjoy it more.

I want to have experiences, if that makes sense, that I can’t while in this field. I want to have long blue hair, I want to have acrylic nails, I want to wear my own clothes on more than just my days off. I guess I just want to express my creative artistic side. You are muted in my field of work. Blend in, conform, be “normal”. This must be why I write, make TikTok videos, and make jewelry. My right brain is crying to get out.

I’ve never worked at a greenhouse or at a haunted house. Never as a waitress. Now that I’m used to the field I’m in, mostly because of the pay, my biggest fear is that I’ll never experience these things. I want to be interesting. My only interesting job I’ve had was at an amusement park. I’m just stuck… trapped. I need help.

I’m doing the best I can right now. Hopefully someday I will be able to break free.